Where Has The Pain Gone

This may hurt.
But here is “my truth”.
In the beginning, every activity in the gym hurt either acutely or later, when I couldn’t move, because of muscle cramps and generalized pain.
I was always noticing how purple my fingers and nail beds were becoming during the exercise.
I was always trying to breath.
I was in a fog.
Every day I wanted to quit and stay home, “away from the maddening routines”.
But then something changed.
The fog got less dense.
The fingers no longer turned purple.
Three or four laps were OK.
They were not fast but they got completed.
The pain, it still hurt, but the long term pain and aches were not top of mind.
Had the trainer felt sorry for the group and decreased the intensity?
That’s like asking if Lions are giving up meat.
I don’t think so.
The intensity is still there.
The variety of punishments is still there but they now seem more like exercises instead of punishments.
The main question, what are the limits?
I ponder this every day as I walk into the gym to exercise in the group or on my own.
Every time I pick up a weight to perform some lift, I wonder, “Is this the maximum”?
Every time I try a dip or a chin up, I wonder, “Can I really do this”?
Every time I need more strength, I wonder, “Can I find it”?
Every time a new task is added, I wonder “Can I do it”?
So far I have advanced.
I know my nadir, just not the time.
But will I achieve a “zenith” before then?
Losing the pain has helped.
When the pain comes back I know I will have moved into uncharted territory.
I know that is where the answers will be found.